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When your Husband is a Womanizer - How to Deal with a Philanderer
Among the most difficult relationships is one where the male partner is a habitual philanderer, in other words, a womanizer. Such a man repeatedly gets involved with other women, emotionally and sexually, while still in a primary relationship.
Women married to men like these have to deal with long-term emotional abuse which leads to feelings of betrayal, abandonment and shame. However some wives may refuse to believe the truth about their womanizing husband even when the signs are right there. This is because accepting that your husband is not a good partner is admitting the failure of a marriage and everything that a woman may hold precious. Here are a few ways to tell if the man you are married to is a womanizer.
A womanizing male is often very attractive, both in appearance as well as in personality. He uses his charm to attract women and gain admirers. If you find your husband exude charm only in the company of women and go all out to impress them, be careful. Oddly enough, a womanizing husband may not always realize that he is deeply hurting his wife with his actions, but may take the entourage of his female friends merely as a sign of his overwhelming charm and popularity. It is important to make a distinction between a womanizer and an unfaithful partner. The term womanizer is used for men with a repeated pattern of infidelity. Moreover the person seems to be interested in making successive conquests rather than looking for a meaningful relationship.
A womanizer is manipulative
He may be in fact quite wily, uses different ways to woo women with different needs. To a woman with strong protective instincts, the womanizer may appear vulnerable and child-like. Again to attract a young and impressionable woman, he may shower her with gifts and trinkets. If he needs to attract a serious and mature woman, he may appear fun-loving and show what a good time she can have with him. The point is such a man tries to manipulate women’s needs and feelings in order to draw them into a relationship.
A womanizer is a habitual liar
Lying is the necessary fallout of all immoral conduct and likewise such a man needs to spin an elaborate web of lies in order to cover his tracks as well as sustain his double life. He is deeply insecure. For all his outward charm and appearance of confidence, a womanizer is a deeply insecure person. He may be insecure about his worth or his personal appeal and that is why is goaded into successive affairs as a way of repeatedly validating his desirability. However since his self-esteem remains low, no amount of external validation from female lovers can quench his need for assurance. No woman ever suffices and no number of affairs seems enough. If you find that you married to a womanizer, here are a few ways to help you cope with the emotional fallout and even try to save your marriage.
Talk to him
If your husband has just started getting into the habit of basking in female company, maybe you can make him see the error of his ways. Talk to your husband when he is relaxed. Don’t start off by throwing a tantrum and accusing him of being an ogre. Rather speak to him calmly and let him know that you are upset by his philandering ways. Tell him that you love him but would not tolerate the additional female company.
Help him to believe in himself
A womanizer repeatedly seeks affairs as a way to make up for some deep-seated insecurity. If you have just begun to notice your husband falling into such a pattern, look for ways which will help him to be assured of his own worth. Encourage him to follow his pursuits or better still, teach them to others. Help him to display his talents on a public platform which would get him noticed and appreciated. If your husband begins to see that he can get validation for his qualities and not merely for sexual prowess, he may want to put behind his womanizing ways.
Don’t let him find excuses
Your attempts to change your husband are unlikely to yield result if he is already set in his womanizing ways. Don’t let him trap you into his denials, rationalizations and excuses to explain his behavior. And above all, remember that none of this is your fault. People suffering from any form of addiction are usually quite adept in laying the blame of their addiction at someone else’s door. Always believe that your husband’s womanizing is not a reflection of your capacity as a wife and partner.
If your husband has fallen too deep into the womanizing pattern, you may find it necessary to seek professional help. Psychologists believe that womanizing is a form of addiction and needs to be acknowledged as well as treated as such. The womanizer is the only one who can help himself and has to want to change in order to successfully give up his womanizing ways. According to most psychologists, an extreme form of this addiction can be treated with residential intensive treatment program followed by therapy and Sex and Love Addiction counseling.
Should you leave him?
The decision whether to separate from a womanizing husband lies with you. If you have suffered years of emotional abuse and feel that you would be happier on your own or with a more devoted partner, maybe you should explore the option of moving out. However if you want to give your marriage another chance, you best bet lies in seeking professional help for your husband. Here too it may be necessary to stay away from your husband for some time if your counselor feels it is necessary to safeguard your and your kids’ emotional well-being.
A womanizing husband may seem like an impossible cross to bear. However recovery is possible with awareness, time and commitment. Finally, the rewards of recovery are worth the effort for it not only makes the husband a better partner and person but gives a fresh lease of life to the marriage.