When your Boyfriend Wants to Break Up But you Don’t
Love is a relationship where give and take rarely occurs in equal degrees. You may find someday that somewhere along the way your relationship has changed and your boyfriend is no longer the ardent lover he used to be.
Most women however continue to look the other way even when signs of a relationship falling apart are staring at them. Does your boyfriend break eye contact when you are speaking to him? Is he making a habit of putting off dates or appearing late for them and even while the two of you are together, does he fiddle with his phone or keep checking the time? While these signs may not mean anything once in a while, a regular pattern may be a sign that your boyfriend wants to get out of the relationship. But if you feel that he’s the man for you, here are some steps you can take to give your relationship a fighting chance.
Give him a break
Give him a break if he simply needs to have some time by himself. Men tend to be very protective of their private space. After a while in a relationship your boyfriend may feel that he is losing himself or getting overwhelmed with all things related to you. So if he expresses a desire to take a vacation by himself or take a job in a new city, give in calmly. He will not only appreciate the time-out but who knows, the days spent away from you may make him realize that he still wants to be with you.
Avoid chasing him
If he has indeed gone for a break, don’t keep calling or mailing him fifteen times a day. There is no need to reply to his messages within one-hundredth of a second of your receiving them. If you appear desperate to get him back, he will only move further away. Be aloof and act cool. Playing hard-to-get remains a time-tested way of hooking your man.
Stay in touch
This point may appear to contradict the previous one but the two are really different matters. The idea is to keep a line of communication between the two of you open without getting frantic about if he is seeing somebody else. Don’t be in a rush to return his calls but if there are three messages from him waiting on your answering machine, call back to say a casual ‘hi’. This will leave him a way to return back to you without your appearing too desperate to get back together.
Grow as a person
Use the cooling off time to build up your personality. Learn new skills or pick up a hobby. Get involved in projects you have been meaning to in the past but had not found time for. These interests will not only enrich your life but help your boyfriend to realize that you have a life without him and believe me, nothing turns on a man as much as a confident, mature woman appreciated by the people around her.
Improve your looks
Make an effort to enhance your looks. Go for a makeover or simply a new hairstyle. Better still, go for a new workout routine and get in shape. The exercise will not only benefit your health but give you a fresh new look. Your boyfriend will be one of the first people to notice the change – even if he may not remark on it – and he may be impressed enough to want to stick around.
Don’t be obsessed
Don’t obsess over the reasons why your boyfriend wants to break up. While it is a good idea to be aware of the grounds of differences between the two of you, over-analyzing things will lead you nowhere and get you even more depressed. And there is no turn off greater than a woman who goes around moping about what went wrong.
Keep away from destructive habits
While is heartbreaking to see someone you love walk out on you, don’t let the incident wreck your life. Seeking refuge from the pain in alcohol, drugs and raucous company will not only destroy you physically and financially, but will merely give your boyfriend another reason to end the relationship.
Don’t change the person you are
Remember that your boyfriend fell in love with you for who you were in the first place and not because he saw a case for improvement. If he makes you feel that if only you were thinner or could speak French he may have loved you more, keep in mind that this is only his way of shrugging off the guilt over a break up. By all means examine your shortcomings and see if you can overcome them, but never let him make you feel inadequate or unworthy. There is no need to become a different person and once your boyfriend realizes your inner worth, he may fall in love with you all over again.
Work towards building your self-confidence
Be proud of other relationships where you are loved and cherished as a daughter, sister, friend or mentor. Prove your worth in your work and take pleasure in the fact that you are respected by your boss and co-workers. Get involved in community projects where your help will be valued. All these experiences will definitely turn into an assured, mature woman and your boyfriend will remain interested in what you have to offer.
There is no single guaranteed recipe to win back the love of your man, no matter what so many guide books tell you. What may bring another estranged couple together may not work for you simply because everywhere people, circumstances and the dynamics of a relationship are different. So when you find your boyfriend moving away and you feel you still love him, take a deep breath and set out on a journey which may require time and effort. Persevere but don’t despair, enhance yourself but don’t change who you are and eventually you may find that your love has come back to where he truly belongs – with you.