Questions for Newlyweds - Discovering your Partner if you've Just Got Married
The time right after marriage is one of the most exciting phases in a couple’s life. There is so much to discover about each other. Every day you know and love your spouse a little more. Here are some questions which can get you started on this wonderful journey of mutual discovery.
Do you believe in God?
It is important for a married couple to know about each other’s values if they are going to share a life and raise a family in future. This question will help you to be aware of your partner’s religious or spiritual beliefs and respect them. In every marriage, there are bound to moments of crises when you will need the help of a power greater than yourselves. Your spiritual support system will be crucial at such times and may help in deciding the course of your marriage.
How important is money to you?
While no one minds having money, how a person wishes to use it tells a lot about his or her priorities in life. Your spouse may be a builder and believe in saving money for a rainy day. On the other hand, he or she may want to live life to the fullest when young and not wait for an indefinite future. Various other factors also come into play here – your spouse’s parents’ attitude to money, the level of comforts he or she has been used to since childhood or any major financial crisis in the past. Asking about your spouse’s attitude to money is also a good way of opening a discussion on your own financial planning.
Who is your favorite relative?
You must have met your spouse’s parents before marriage and have probably even come to know them quite well by know. But what about other members of your partner’s family? Asking your spouse to tell you of his or her favorite relative is not only a great way to know more about the entire family but will in fact offer you interesting glimpses in your spouse’s past and help you to know about all that has gone into making the wonderful person that you have married.
What shall we have for dinner?
Getting to know your partner’s likes and dislikes in food is a significant aspect of sharing a life. What and how you eat every day will determine your family’s routine and even your way of socializing with your partner’s family and friends. This becomes even more crucial in a marriage where the spouses come from different cultural backgrounds. In fact traditional wisdom has it that a person’s tastes in food may give interesting clues to his or her personality. For instance cultures which prefer hot and spicy flavors often have people proud of their passionate and excitable natures.
How do you feel about children?
Whether and when to raise a family is one of the major life decisions facing every newly married couple. Ask your partner how he or she feels about having children. If both of you agree on raising a family, decide when would be the right time. Ideally a couple should wait and save some money before having a child. This will not only take care of the many expenses that come with having a baby but will give the family some breathing space till the mother or primary caregiver can go back to a full time job.
What would you like to do in our free time?
You already know a good deal about your spouse’s interests. But see if you can do something interesting together. You could take up a new hobby like gardening as you are setting up your new home. Or join a salsa class for couples which will give you an opportunity to do something fun and yet be close to each other.
Tell me more about your work
Even while you were seriously dating, you must have known where your partner worked, who his/her colleagues were and how annoying was the boss. But now that you are married, share your spouse’s hopes and anxieties on his or her career. Know a little more of the nature of your partner’s job, the complexities and competitions that come with it. This will not only lead you to appreciate your partner’s professional qualities but also offer him/her understanding and support in times of workplace crises.
What are your best childhood memories?
This is great way to know more of your spouse’s past and especially their childhood. Everybody carries with him or her a treasure trove of precious memories which help one to draw strength from happier times and thus cope with the many challenges of life. Ask your spouse what he or she loves remembering best from the past and you will get valuable clues to the person that he or she is now.
Which is your favorite book/movie?
This is a fun way of knowing more about your spouse’s interests. You probably discovered your partner’s hobbies and interests while you were dating but asking this question anew might throw up some surprises. This is because when you are dating you try to present that aspect of your personality which you suspect your date will like best. However after marriage partners are more comfortable about revealing more of their likes and dislikes. Also the kind of literature, movies or music your spouse favors may tell you whether he or she is a romantic, realist, a stickler for tradition or open to experimentation.
What would you like to do tonight?
Keeping in mind your spouse’s likes and dislikes while preparing for intimacy is one of the most positive steps that you can to take to strengthen your marriage. This shows that you are not only interested to know what turns on your partner but that you are also ready to contribute to a mutually satisfying relationship.
Newlyweds are naturally eager to know more about their partners – their dreams and worries, fancies and pet peeves. And a good thing too since a marriage needs spouses to be able to understand and respect each other’s values and choices if it is to be a truly fulfilling relationship for both.