Ever watched the movie ‘Autumn in New York’? It epitomizes a fair bit of the confusion, pain and angst, yet the beauty and wonder that an older man-younger woman relationship goes through. Much has been written and even more debated about whether such unions make sense. There have been many successful May-December pairings right from Hollywood (Harrison Ford-Calista Flockhart, Michael Douglas-Catherine Zeta-Jones) to those that one encounters in everyday life.
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What attracts the younger woman to the older man? And the older man to the younger woman?
Society often likes to pass judgments and compartmentalize the reasons for an older man-younger woman relationship as ‘She’s in it for his money and/or he’s in it for the sex’. But it doesn’t necessarily hold true in many cases.
A younger woman may be attracted to an older man for many reasons, among them…
Younger women often complain that guys their age aren’t mature enough. It’s a known fact that on the whole girls mature faster than boys, and even as adults in a certain age bracket, say the 20’s, women tend to be the more mature than their male counterparts. Guys their age often act like overgrown boys and seem to want to spend more time watching football matches and at the local watering hole, rather than talking to their woman or spending some quiet time together. So why not turn to an older man who would probably be more interested in similar pursuits and mature conversations?
To some younger women, either from divorced homes or who have lost their father at a young age, it is an unconscious need to fulfill their longing for a father figure in their lives. While many discount this theory, it still does hold weight and has been found to be true in a number of cases.
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Older men are often more tolerant and understanding than the younger generation of males. They can be generous – both as lovers and materially too. And women, who always love to be cosseted, can get an enormous kick out of being cared for and indulged.
Most older men, simply by virtue of having ‘been there, done that’ are worldly wise and can offer invaluable advice to a younger, more inexperienced woman. Again, as lovers, what they may lack in terms of the energy and drive of a younger man, they can more than make up for in skill and expertise.
An older man may be attracted to a younger woman because of …
All that she embodies
Older men find younger women full of vitality and life, with a sense of adventure that an older woman, who tends to be more set in her ways, lacks. They are more eager to adapt and are more flexible.
Respect for him
Quite often an older man finds himself at the receiving end of a great deal of admiration and awe from the younger woman. Unlike women who are his peers, a younger woman may hold him in high esteem and defer to his opinion since he has years of wisdom to fall back on. Of course he enjoys this feeling of being idolized.
Sometimes, older men realize rather late in life that they would still like to be parents and most often women who are closer to their age are either past their childbearing years or don’t have the desire to still bear children. In younger women they can realize their aspirations for a family. She also makes him feel younger, a sense of reliving his youthful days. Also, if the older man is in prime physical condition and younger women still find him attractive, in typical male style he probably figures why go for prunes if you can have a juicy plum or a peach?!
The reasons for either party entering into an older man- younger woman relationship however, doesn’t always make it work or make it ideal for the couple in question. In fact, many such relationships have often encountered problems, not least among them insecurities (older man is afraid younger woman is no longer happy with him and actually has her sights set on hot, young neighbor), uncertainties about the future (younger woman fearing she’ll be left alone or a widow when he dies), feeling like misfits (often they find they can’t gel with each other’s group of friends due to age differences and conflicting interests), or simply the younger woman sometimes getting tired of making all the adjustments because the older man is set in his ways.
But again, which relationship doesn’t have it’s share of problems and obstacles. While some are of the view that an age difference only exacerbates some of the typical problems inherent in a relationship, that does not necessarily hold true in all cases. As in any relationship, age only becomes a matter of numbers if ultimately the older man and younger woman, are both adult enough to enter into a consensual union, you have mutual respect for each other, the age difference doesn’t matter – at least to both of you (and you’re couldn’t care less about what society thinks) and you’ve found something in this relationship that satisfies you like no other has!