As women get older, the ache to settle down escalates. Marriage suddenly becomes high on many women's priority list. In order to marry, a man is needed. Finding a good man willing to commit can be difficult. It is nearly impossible to tell the difference between men looking for a fling and men wanting a long term relationship. The biggest reason for this is many times the man doesn't even know what he wants or he does know, but gets scared of commitment and runs. Men have several arguments for not wanting to commit and some of these reasons may just surprise you.
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1. Men need to feel masculine
They are the protector, the comforter, and the provider. Men tend to shy away from strong, assertive women. They need to feel they are relied upon. Contradictorily, men want a women who is emotionally like a man. A woman who says "screw it" instead of getting all weepy is more likely to keep a man. In other words, a man wants a woman who thinks like a man, but doesn't act like a man. Confused yet? Yeah, me too.
2. Men are charmingly simple
Their emotions are like a child's. They want this, they hate that, and if you scare them they bolt. To avoid scaring off a good lover, do not corner him with complex emotions. If you start talking like "Honey, it bothers me when you don't open the door for me. It makes me feel as if you don't care. I need to know that I'm cherished by you and when you do things like forget to help me with the grocery bags, it sends a deep message to me that you just don't love me", your man will turn and run so fast your head will spin off and beat him to the door.
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3. Say no to nagging
A kind reminder is the best route. "John, can you grab two of these bags for me"?, Hey, Bubba, this door keeps slamming shut on me, will you hold it"? The non-confrontational, short request is more effective and less threatening to a man than a long drawn out weepy, you-hurt-my-feelings lecture. Better yet, if you say you need his help, he feels like the manly savior.
4. Men fear losing their independence
They have heard horror stories of other men who got married and three years later were found mummified with a hammer and paintbrush in hand. Apparently they had perished while completing one chore on a list found hanging out of their back pocket that reached below their buttocks. These poor men's last words to their friends were "good bye" and were muttered on their wedding day all those years ago.
5. What most men are afraid of
Guys believe that if they marry, fishing trips and bar hops will stop. You need to reassure your man that you want time out with your girls too. Also let him know that his friend Harry, nicknamed for his shag rug on his back, will still be allowed to come over swimming in the pool without a shirt. Value his friends, they are a part of who he is. Promise him the "honey do" list for a weekend will never be longer than three items or four hours unless HE wants it to be longer.
6. Places to stay away from
When looking for a man who is willing to commit, there are a few places you will want to shy away from. Bars typically are not a good place to find a life partner. They are usually out for a good time and you don't want to be that "good time". Gyms and fitness centers are also not a place known for the commitment ready male. While there are exceptions, most men in those settings are either taken or don't want to be tied down.
7. Here's where you can find them
If you are religious, church is a great place to find a man ready to commit. Christian men have strong morals and values and normally are prepared for a long term relationship. Guys at dog parks also a good bet. The sheer fact that he takes the time each day to care for Fluffy shows great commitment skills. Dating services and sites are loaded with commitment ready men. These men have actually paid money to find a long term relationship. Look for a man while shopping. Pay attention to what he is buying. If while at the grocery store you spot Romeo and his basket is loaded with quick-and-dirty meals and half the cart is beer, you may wanna pass.
8. After you've found him
Once you have found the right guy and are deeply in love with each other, don't expect it to be smooth sailing. Even when men are in love, they will break off a relationship if they feel threatened or unneeded. You need to make you man feel special. Don't discuss previous lovers no matter how much he begs. He may think he wants to know, but he doesn't. It is a threat to his manliness. Politely head off his questions by answering that he makes you forget all about past relationships or that they were nothing like what you have now. You then need to back up these words in bed. This may sound shallow, but it's the truth. If your man doesn't feel like the top dog sexually, he will not be happy.
Finding a man ready to commit seems akin to finding the Loch Ness Monster. It doesn't have to be. Look in common everyday places and be aware of the little signs of commit-a-phobia. Getting your man to want to stay for life just takes understanding and a few skills. The woman needs to relate to him on his level, and keep unneeded threatening situations at bay. Remember that not all men are alike and some may respond differently than stated. You have to stay on your toes and find what works best for your relationship.