Have you wondered at the steady stream of dates which never seem to translate into a relationship for you. You may hold a decent job and even be better-looking than many of your pals with girlfriends, but for vague reason or other, you find yourself spending weekends alone or steeling yourself for yet another blind date. If this has been going on for quite a while, here are ten possible reasons why you cannot get a girlfriend.
- You go for the casual look
Unfortunately this can slide into the slovenly look with an alarming ease. So even if you believe in the chilled out style, that should be no reason to turn up for dates looking like something the cat dragged in. Women in general are prone to scrutinizing appearances minutely and reading volumes in what they see. So if turn up in dirty tees and jeans while sporting a two-day stubble on his face, it is extremely likely that she will take you for a lazy slob or an unemployed slacker. So if you wish to make your date take you more seriously, be sure you are well-groomed when you turn up to meet her - don’t have BO and come dressed like a gentleman.
- You go overboard with gifts
Unless you are in a steady relationship with a woman, it is better to avoid lavishing extravagant gifts on her - especially on the first few dates. If you turn up with a gift-wrapped diamond brooch or an exotic arrangement of orchids for her when you barely know each other, more likely than not she will be embarrassed at your over-the-top gestures. At worst, she is likely to get suspicious of your real intentions and feel that you are trying to buy her affections. Even if she is the kind of girl who can be hooked only by attractive gifts, consider if this is the right reason you want to have a partner for. So keep it subtle on the first few dates and let your gifts convey your thoughts for the person rather than be an excuse to show off your finances.
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- You insist on going Dutch
At the same time though, don’t give evidence of a petty mentality. It is the duty, indeed the privilege of a guy to pay on the first date, even if his partner offers to do so at the end of a dinner. If you happen to calculate the price of the chocolate cherry fondue that she had for dessert while you went for plain old vanilla ice cream and then insist that she pay up accordingly, you might as well kiss all chances of seeing her again goodbye. Keep in mind that paying on a date is not just about following social conventions but more an indication of your generosity of nature and ability to provide for another person in case you are looking for a relationship.
- You cannot look beyond yourself
A guy who can only talk about himself, his own achievements and ambitions for the future is hugely boring. If you really want a date to turn into a girlfriend, you have to put her ahead of you, even if occasionally. So try asking her about their favorite pastimes, her friends or the best vacation that she ever took. At the same time, refrain from the temptation to preen yourself every time you pass a mirror or manage a not-so-secretive sneak onto the polished surface of a plate. No matter how much you love yourself, remember you are out with a girl and she might be put off by your vanity and self-obsessed behavior.
- You come off as desperate
At the other extreme of unattractive male behavior is a desperate attempt to make a girl like you. You probably have been told that women are looking for guys who are sensitive, responsible, financially responsible and with a sense of humor too. However parroting these lines before her and repeating ad infinitum about the times you agreed to babysit your nephew or take the stray cat to the vet will hardly convince a woman to be your girlfriend. Rather she will suspect that you are trying too hard to win her and this will put her off. Instead focus on expressing your qualities through actions; also women are more wired to emotions, therefore it is how you act and make her feel that will determine her interest in you.
- You crib a lot
OK, so life has handed out a rough deal to you; but then who is completely spared of misfortunes. Therefore try not to burden your peeves and disillusionment on your date or you will come off as a whiner. Understandably you are looking for a woman who will share your troubles, but if you go on and on about your wretched boss or greedy ex-wife, there is hardly anyone who will agree to be in a relationship with you. Above all she expects to be a girlfriend, not your therapist.
- You check out other women
This is one of the most common reasons why some guys despite being apparently eligible, never manage to have a girlfriend. If you are out on a date with a particular girl, it indicates that you have chosen to give her your attention and time. On the other hand, if your partner finds you perpetually distracted in her company or ogling at other girls in the pub or restaurant even while sitting with her, she will naturally have second thoughts about being your girlfriend.
- You are too nice a guy
Sometimes men despite being supportive and giving in a relationship find it difficult to keep a girlfriend – if you are one of these, probably you are being too nice and letting yourself being taken for granted. In order to get a woman to like you, it is not necessary that you turn yourself into a doormat and accommodate all her wishes. If she wants to fix up a date at an hour’s notice and you have an important meeting fixed for the evening, by all means tell her that you are unavailable. At the end of the day what a woman is really looking for is a guy who she can respect and admire and if you constantly put her needs ahead of yours, you will come off as unimportant and hence forgettable.
- Getting too close too quickly
Women on the whole like to be sure of a guy before getting intimate with him. So one of the most common reasons why they reject a guy as a potential partner is because he tries to get physical with a girl before she has given a hint that she would like him to do so. Brushing past against a girl repeatedly, groping for her waist/hand, or kissing on the mouth without being invited to, are common goof-ups by men who think that they will come off as being sexy and desirable if they try to get physical with their partners. In fact they merely come off as annoying and desperate.
- You ‘forget’ to turn down the toilet seat
Incredible as it may seem, “little” things like these can really drive a woman crazy and make all the difference between a one-time date and a steady girlfriend. So if you are staying at her place and using her stuff, make sure you do so responsibly and in the way she is used to or you will be soon packing your stuff and going back to the single life.