Ideally dating should be an activity that is pleasurable and enjoyable for both partners. However if you find yourself trying to keep up with your date’s umpteen demands and scurrying hither and thither to do his/her bidding, may be you are taking on more than you should. Here are a few tips and advice about dating a spoiled brat.
He/she is very demanding
One of the surest signs that you are dating a spoiled brat is that you seem to be catering to your partner’s demands all the time. He/she is most likely a whiner who complains about every little aspect of your relationship. And the only person who has to take on the burden of changing things or getting things done is you. So if the restaurant is a little draughty, you will have to bring it to the attention of the management or leave to find another dining place. And then again if there is a new play in town that your partner wants to watch, the entire onus of planning the date is on you. While no-one minds putting in a little effort to make a partner happy, if you are dating someone with the spoiled brat syndrome, this is all you will find yourself doing in the relationship.
He/she blames everything on you
Yet another major trait of a spoiled brat is that they refuse to take responsibility for their own lives. They are childish and immature and are constantly looking for ways to blame others for their unhappiness and insecurities. So whatever goes wrong in your partner’s life or even if things don’t turn out perfect, you may find yourself taking the blame. This is an extremely stressful position to be in and no matter how deeply attracted you are to this person, after a while you are sure to find yourself wishing that you were with someone less complaining and more mature.
Your needs are not met
When you are in love, you don’t mind running errands for your partner – indeed you may even crave for opportunities to express your devotion. But you do this willingly only because you know that your needs are also being met in this relationship. Dating a spoiled brat on the other hand becomes an exercise in satisfying only about your partner’s wishes and never yours. Any relationships requires give and take to make it grow – so if you are dating someone who does not care two hoots for you but expects to be pampered around all the time, then the relationship is doomed to flounder, despite your sincerest efforts in making things work.
Look beyond appearances
Even though it may be frustrating dating a spoiled brat, your partner may not necessarily bad person at heart. He/she is simply someone who has forgotten to grow up. Indeed your partner may have a charming, energetic and effervescent personality which takes delight in varied activities. Or he/she may be immensely talented in an art form or sports. It is quite common for people with a spoiled brat syndrome to possess a child-like attractiveness and the zeal and enthusiasm of childhood – all qualities which may have attracted him/her to you in the first place. If you know for sure that your date has a lot to offer to a relationship only if he/she can get past his/her self-obsession, then you may need a lot of patience and diplomacy to make it work between you two.
One of the most important things you should do while dating someone with the spoiled brat syndrome is to work on your own desirability as a partner. Brush up your looks, get an attractive hairstyle and adopt a personal style which plays up your best features. Go to the spa or salon and pamper yourself to a facial, pedicure and manicure. Don’t forget to exercise so that you have a toned, attractive figure. Along with working on your looks, enhance your personality as well. Sign up for a course or join a new hobby club. Focus on your career and cultivate social as well as business contacts. The more successful you are in your professional and social circuit, the sooner your partner will realize and respect your worth as well as the fact that you are not someone who can be ordered around.
Set limits on your partner’s demands
Once you have established your own worth both as an individual and partner, it will be easier for you to set reasonable limits on your date’s demanding behavior. Establish the boundaries of your professional and personal hours and let it be known that you cannot be disturbed during these times. Also encourage your partner to work out plans for a date or movie so that he/she learns to take on responsibility and accept the consequences. Your partner may react to these changes by fretting, shouting or throwing temper tantrums. On such occasions keep your cool and don’t budge from your stand. Recognize the tantrums for what they are – a familiar attempt to discard responsibility and get someone else to do their bidding. Tell your partner gently that while you still love him/her as before, they will have to start acting like a grown up and do their share of ‘giving’ to the relationship. This is especially pertinent if your date is the high-maintenance type and you have been paying for a lot of her spa sessions, jewelry and other shopping expenses. If it is your boyfriend who is the spoiled one, you may simply have to distance yourself from this life for a while so that he/she learns to take care of himself instead of depending on you to cook for him or pick up after him.
In the end, the decision to change will have to be made by your partner. If he/she wishes to remain needy, demanding and continues to expect the world to take care of him/her there is little that you can do but to move on to a healthier relationship where your needs will be met as well.