A desire to feel special is inherent in almost all humans. But when this desire exceeds normal bounds, a person is driven by the need to be the center of attention all the time. This may take the form or excessive emotionality or being drawn to conflict. All these are signs that you are dating a drama queen and before long you may find yourself in an extremely trying situation. But if you really wish to be with your girlfriend and stay happy, you may find the following tips handy when dating a drama queen.
Listen to her
When your date has a dramatic episode, try and actively listen to her instead of rolling your eyes and going for the TV remote. Drama queens often just need to get things off their chests so, if you want to happily date a drama queen, you need to accept that stirring things up is her way of dealing with a problem - which will be often. However this doesn’t mean that you need to participate or get involved; most likely she is not even seeking advice or your opinion but simply venting in a highly colorful manner – as most drama queens are wont to do.
Set clear boundaries
Even if you are the patient sort, eventually it may be too much to put up with the antics of a drama queen, which is why you need to set boundaries. Make it known to her in simple but clear terms as to how much drama you are willing to take from her and these would probably cover tantrums, outbursts as well as venting. Again you can set boundaries between the times she is complaining about something in a personal space like your home or in a car as against creating a scene in public. Even if you are not the main target of her theatrics, it may be uncomfortable for you to be the partner of someone who is forever creating drama – as complaining loudly at a café when the coffee is not to her liking or being rude to the clerk at the convenience store and proceeding to drag the other customers into the attack. Once you set limits to what is and is not acceptable to you, perhaps your girlfriend will be able to rein in some of her need for creating a scene.
During the times, when your girlfriend is thick in the midst of a tantrum or drama episode, it is best not to engage with her. You can casually tell her that she is being unreasonable and that you will discuss things again when she is in better control of her emotions. You don't have to be cruel in telling how you feel about her creating such scenes, but it is best you tell the truth in a straightforward or perhaps in a light hearted manner. Above all, be calm when she is being dramatic. If you too give into hysterics, you will just feed off one another, thus making the situation even worse. So, if she is yelling, screaming or generally causing drama, you need to be patient and calm so that things don’t spiral out of control.
Make things entertaining
People addicted to drama are usually seeking a rush of adrenaline, or the thrill that the rush of energy associated with hysterics brings them. When drama is happening in a relationship dynamic, excitement happens, the subjects’ body produces adrenaline and there is a rush of energy. For people that lead a very uninteresting or monotonous life, that rush of adrenaline helps them feel alive. So one way you can cope with your date’s need for drama is to ensure that there is ample excitement in your relationship – but in a positive way. Take her out for instance to an amusement park and encourage her to accompany you on a few hair-raising rides. For another date, take her to a karaoke bar maybe where she can revel in the limelight but not in a negative way. Joining a creative class for couples like tango dancing or skydiving will work as other positive sources of a rush of adrenalin and maybe she will learn to seek less of negative attention.
Don’t let her manipulate you
A drama queen may seem weak and helpless but in reality she is a master manipulator. You’re the “only one” she can count on. She will ambush you by appealing to your sympathy, your ego, your desire to be a good person. But if for some reason you cannot satisfy her demands, she will accuse of “being selfish.” Keeping up on such an emotional roller-coaster ride can overwhelm the most grounded of personalities and the only thing you can do to save your sanity is to get wise to her tricks and refuse to fall for them. If she goes overboard praising your car, be prepared for the fact that some highly unreasonable demand is on its way; or if she is crying buckets about a backstabbing friend who vowed to accompany her on a Hawaii trip, get ready for an upcoming request from your girlfriend to plan your next vacation there. In all these ways, a drama queen will seek to manipulate a partner in the guise of appearing helpless or a victim.
In the end, the sooner you accept the fact that drama queens have a very real problem, the better. They live in an endless soap opera that drives people close to them crazy; despite their best efforts and sincerest intentions, families and partners can’t really put an end to such tendencies. To these troubled souls, a caring friend or a partner can only give temporary symptomatic relief. What they really need is therapy to help them change their unhealthy cognitive patterns and turn their lives around. So if you truly love your girlfriend and are thinking in terms of a relationship, encourage her to seek professional help so that not only she is better grounded in reality but your relationship is free of stresses and conflicts that dating such a personality can bring.