Getting married to your lover can be the most fulfilling thing in a relationship except when you are doing it for the wrong reasons. So before you walk down the altar with a niggling doubt in your head, consider these top ten worst reasons to get married.
“If I don’t marry my partner, someone else will”
The pressure to hold on to a suitable ‘catch’ is an old one, especially for women. But even though girls are no longer dependent on husbands to provide for them, the fear of letting go a potential husband and that of remaining unmarried is sometimes enough to make them ‘yes’ to an essentially incompatible marriage. Even a man when faced with the possibility of a girlfriend seeking out other suitors may succumb to a marriage his heart is really not into.
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“I don’t want to be single anymore”
You see all your friends and cousins getting married and don’t want to be left out. You are afraid that once your pals are with their respective spouses, you will have to spend your Sundays alone or worse, catch a movie or go golfing by yourself. This is a good time to remember that being married has little to do with an active social life. There are hundreds of singles out there enjoying with their friends and family – married or otherwise. Conversely you can be married and still be alone as are hundreds of couples trapped in unhappy marriages.
“My partner is threatening to walk out”
If there is anything worse than being pressurized into marriage by your own fears and insecurities, it is being pressurized by your partner. The very fact that your partner has to resort to an emotional blackmail to get your commitment is a sign that this marriage will be far from happy. And one that you would be wise to give a wide berth.
“I suppose this is the best I can do”
Remember your life and heart are too precious to surrender to a compromise. Even though marriages are no longer once-a-lifetime affairs, you must be sure of the person with whom you wish to spend the rest of your life. This is not to say that you should be too choosy or have unrealistic expectations from a relationship. But only that it is far better to wait for the right person to turn up rather than experiment with a series of unsuitable partners.
“It will make the mortgage more affordable”
Marrying for financial reason is one of the worst decisions you can take, simply because your heart will not be into the relationship. Likewise if you are planning to marry somebody for a visa or to be able to live in a particular country, realize that not only you will be marrying a relative stranger but the legal implications of such an arrangement may be more complicated that you can handle. In case of a long-time partner, you may wish to marry him/her to make living expenses more affordable or to live lavishly but over time you will start evaluating everything little thing you do for the marriage in terms of financial or material returns. And this can make for a very arid, not to mention a torturous existence. Anyway, you can always enjoy the practical advantages of sharing a house and related expenses by moving in with your partner and not necessarily marrying him/her.
“It might make my partner more responsible”
It is true that some life experiences bring about a positive change in a person. Going through a serious illness may teach a person to appreciate good health or an accident in a family may make a parent re-examine professional priorities. However just being married is not enough to change the basic psychological makeup of a person. If you want your partner to learn to be more responsible or learn cooking, it would be a far better idea to get a pet rather than get married.
“I want to get my family off my back”
Sometimes the only way to shut up pesky relatives or over-concerned parents may seem to be by announcing your impending marriage. But if you thought that would be enough to get your intrusive family off your back, think again. There would follow a micro-analysis of your partner, several family dinners together, minute wedding preparations followed by perpetual questions on the quality of your married life. Most importantly however, it would not only be unfair to put your own heart but that of your partner too through something neither of you really want.
“A baby is on the way”
An unplanned pregnancy is one of worst reasons to get married. It might seem to be the right thing to do by your partner as well as the unborn child, but the very fact that it is unplanned means that you are not even ready to become spouses, much less parents. And even if you do get married, the immense responsibilities of parenthood coming even before you have fully learnt what it means to be married may prove too stressful for your relationship. So even if a baby is on the way, there are several options you can look at, which a trained therapist or social worker can guide you and your partner through.
“It is time I had my own family”
Getting married because your biological clock is ticking away and you must have a child before soon is again problematic. This means you are not marrying a person for love and companionship but just because you need someone to provide an egg/sperm and be a caregiver. If indeed you are unmarried and wish to have a child, look at options like adoption or having a child through a surrogate mother. It is easier than ever before for a single parent to bring up a child on his/her own.
“It seemed the next logical thing to do”
Just because you have been in an exclusive relationship some time now does not mean that you have to start looking at wedding rings. Marriage is complex relationship with its specific responsibilities and privileges and unless you feel that you and your partner are not completely ready for those, it is much better to bide your time.