Every marriage has its share of ups and downs. After the initial break-in period, most couples get better at problem solving and are able to weather the pressures of married life. In any situation or relationship, there is always a period of adjustment and a few hiccups, but eventually in a marriage too, things settle down.
However sometimes, as time progresses couples find that their problems magnify. Instead of reaching solutions quicker, they take longer to resolve, and often reach a stalemate. At such times, when the quality of the marriage begins to deteriorate, professional help becomes a requirement.
TIP: Save your marriage without consulting a marriage counselor
A marriage counselor helps when a sense of hopelessness and helplessness sets in. He functions as a sort of umpire if you will, mediating and intervening to make sure it's a fair game. If you sense that your marriage is in trouble and you see no way out, don't hesitate to look for a marriage counselor who can help you.
Signs that your marriage is in trouble and you might need counseling.
1. Communication is a problem
So much has been written about how important communication is in any relationship. In a marriage, it assumes even more significance. If you and your partner are unable to satisfy this most fundamental of prerequisites, then you need a marriage counselor to guide you as to how to communicate effectively. He will provide you with suggestions for open and effective communication. How you can provide an environment conducive to sharing with and listening to your spouse.
2. You are contemplating divorce
If you and your spouse have had problems on several fronts and are talking divorce, look before you leap. If you haven't yet seen a marriage counselor it might still not be too late. Getting out of a relationship is not a solution unless it is under extenuating circumstances. If you have some serious issues, you might face the same problems in another relationship. So it's best you seek help now and resolve them. Give it a chance with someone who is trained to help couples like you and you may be surprised at the results.
3. Mental disorder
If you or your spouse has a mental illness or depression of some sort, you should seek professional help immediately. Apart from a physician or mental health expert who would administer medical advice and treatment, you will also need counseling on how to cope with the situation. It is very difficult to deal with a spouse suffering from depression and you will require all the help you can get.
4. Fidelity issues
If you have discovered that your spouse is cheating on you or you have been the unfaithful one, it might help to talk about it to a marriage counselor. After all, it is a situation fraught with tension and anxiety and you may feel the need of having an impartial and unbiased third party to talk you through the problem. Firstly, you must decide, that you are going to give the relationship a chance.
5. Conflict resolution
If you find it extremely difficult to work through conflicts or there are certain issues that don't seem to get sorted out, it might pay to solve them with the expertise only a marriage counselor can provide. He will provide you with useful tools and strategies to deploy when faced with conflict.
If one or both of you are seriously unhappy with the state of your marriage, counseling may help. There may be various factors, some suppressed, why you feel this way about your marriage. A marriage counselor will help you to probe beneath the surface and get in touch with your deeper emotions, thus finding a way to help you and your spouse.
If you have been faced with serious issues, sexually or otherwise, that make you think you are totally unsuited for each other, seek help before contemplating something drastic. If the two of you made the decision to get married, things couldn't always have been that bad. Sometimes the initial romance blinds people to certain things that the harsh realities of married life often bring to the fore. Still, all may not be lost and you may yet be more attuned to each other than you realize.
8. Improve your marriage
It is not necessary to consider marriage counseling only in case of problems. Sometimes, it pays to seek marriage counseling just to enrich the quality of a marriage. Being proactive can pay rich dividends and bring a new awareness of each other's significance in the relationship.
Whatever may be the reason that motivates you to seek marriage counseling, remember that it has to be with the mutual agreement and cooperation of both partners in a marriage. For counseling to be truly successful in improving a marriage, each spouse must undertake to go for counseling sessions with an open mind and a true heart.