When two people marry, they are usually do it with the expectation that the heady days of love will last forever. But over time when the partners get accustomed to each other, they get comfortable in the relationship and settle down in a routine. Then one day this routine and the daily responsibilities of a shared life are too much to bear. One or both partners find out that the spark has gone from their relationship and the marriage is boring. If something similar is happening to you, here are a few steps you can consider to liven things up a little.
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Remember the times
Take your mind back to the early days of being together and try to remember what made you special for each other. Perhaps it was the impromptu vacations you took to be with each other or the little but thoughtful things you did for your partner that professed your love for each other. With kids and work responsibilities, it may no longer be possible to get away as often as you would like, but how about tucking in little love notes for your partner in the lunch box or in his/her car dashboard? Or perhaps, when you return home work, you can bring little gifts like a romantic card or a bar of chocolate like you used to in the first months of marriage. Any little thing that makes your partner feel special and lets them know that they have been in your thoughts is one of the best ways to bring a marriage out of a rut.
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Set a date night every week
If finances are limited and you have very young kids, getting away every weekend might not be a feasible option. Instead set one night every week to be out with each other and take turns on who will be responsible for planning the date. Arrange for the kids to be with a trusted relative or a babysitter so that you can keep your mind off on what is happening at home. It need not be dinner at a fancy restaurant every time, you could have a picnic in the parking lot overlooking the lake, go bowling at the nearest pub or just take a walk in the neighborhood park. Spend this time talking and listening to each other but preferably avoid discussion of work troubles, domestic chores and whose turn it is to take the kids to the dentist. You are here to reconnect with each other and the basics of your relationship.
Taking a class together
Taking a class together is one of the best ways to bond with your partner. And since you both are learning something new, it will give a fresh point of discussion and interest in your lives. Most local colleges offer short courses on pottery-making, art appreciation and similar subjects. Consider what interests you both and choose one accordingly. In fact learning a dance or yoga will not only benefit your relationship but your health too. However these may require longer commitment in terms of hours and so zero in an activity that you both can pursue with minimum of stress.
Create a haven
Take a look at your home environment and see if there is a zone which is inviting and free of clutter. If not, then create such a space or spend some time every day working at it. When ready, let this be a zone for you and your partner to unwind with each other even if it is for just fifteen or twenty minutes a day. Avoid use of distractions like the TV and cell phone here and if possible let the kids stay away when the two of you are together. Such an environment may go a long way in making you feel good about yourselves and your marriage.
Be partners in experimentation
Even doing simple things together like playing a new board game or finding out what is on sale this month at the bookstore will add interest in your lives. If you both are foodies, try out a new recipe or check out the new Lebanese restaurant in town. Or if you both are the outdoor type, explore a new hiking trail or work together to build a tree house for the kids. Even if keeping off the beaten track is not always practical, these small ways of doing newer things will not only help your connect to each other but make your lives much more interesting.
Make plans together
Choose a time when both you and your partner are relaxed and then ask yourselves if you are living the way you want. If not, discuss what you both can do to get yourselves where you want be – emotionally, financially and physically. However take care not to let the discussion turn into a barrage of accusations. Rather pick out specific strategies for the achieving the goals you have jointly set. This will add a new sense of purpose and direction to your relationship and prevent it from sinking into a rut.
Take a vacation
Tight resources and work responsibilities might make you think that taking a vacation is out of the question. But instead of viewing it as another expense, consider the vacation as an investment into your relationship. Moreover you need not go for a luxury cruise or at an expensive location. Even a weekend getaway at a nearby resort or a couple of days at the beach can be enough to reconnect with each other. Pick a quiet place with no internet, calls from office, reminders of chores at home and preferably no kids. Use this time solely to be with each other. Talk about happy memories, future dreams and present concerns. When you return you will not only feel refreshed yourself but find that your marriage is rejuvenated and stronger than before.
Almost all marriages become a little boring at some point or other. Partners get comfortable in the relationship and begin to take each other for granted. Very often added responsibilities of kids and work leave little time for leisure. To put back the zest into a marriage it is important that couples relax a little and have some fun now and then.