Sexuality is a complex matter – some believe that it is inherent in a person while others feel that environment and experiences play a role in how a person sees himself. So it is highly likely that the guy you fell in love with and married may have discovered a hitherto-unknown part of himself. Or he may have always been a closet gay and marrying you was a last-ditch effort to fit in with mainstream sexual norms. Whatever the reason, if you have been noticing all or most of the following signs in your husband for some time, it may be because he is gay.
He checks out other guys
You know the look – the same that a straight guy would give to girls at a bar or nightclub to see if they are interested in having a few drinks with him. In hindsight you may realize that this was one of the first signs that told you things weren’t right with your husband - may be you and your husband were at a bar or a pub at that time and you actually saw your husband checking out other guys present but you may have deliberately misread the visual cues as being a figment of your imagination.
He spends more time with his male friends than with you
Initially you may have been relieved to find that instead of keeping in touch with ex-girlfriends or hanging out with pretty co-workers, your husband goes out with his male friends. Indeed it is not even difficult to come across guy for whom nights out with beer buddies or fishing trips with high-school pals are a welcome change from the office-and-home routine of the working week. However if he does this very regularly, say more than twice a week and especially prefers the company of male friends to yours’, it could indicate that he finds them sexually attractive.
He takes secretive calls
Or perhaps keeps texting till late into the night. All these are general signs of cheating in a marriage and could also be true if your husband is gay and has another partner or partners.
He likes to watching instead of playing
If your husband spends more time watching big, sweaty guys on the field rather than playing a sport himself, chances are he is attracted to the sight of men. While sports lovers will also spend a lot of time watching games, for them the thrill lies in the sports and not only the players. And moreover a true sports fan will sometime or the other, take the field to throw a few hoops or swing a golf club.
He has a gym membership but no interest in working out
This is a variation of the previous sign but is more common for guys who are closet gays. If your husband is goes to the gym very regularly but you do not see any evidence of him working out, it could be because he is spending all that time looking around and chatting up other guys instead of focusing on his own exercises. Though taken by itself, this may not be a foolproof sign that a guy is gay – your husband may simply hate working out but reluctant to let a costly gym membership expire – when accompanied by other signs, it could make for an effective warning sign.
Excessively concerned with appearance
Straight men have a certain nonchalance about their appearance – they think it is alright to sweat after a run in the morning or like to lounge about in boxers till noon on a Sunday. Gay men on the other hand exhibit a degree of fastidiousness with their looks – they are more likely to tweeze their eyebrows, go for waxing sessions, use facial moisturizers and even get choosy about shampoo brands. You can even spot a gay by the kinds of clothes he usually prefers – a bit too tight, too trendy than others. In some guys this can go to the extent of displaying their bare bodies. If your husband exhibits all the above signs and suddenly even goes shirtless in the backyard or barbecue night when other men are around, he may be craving physical affirmation from other men and perhaps also desperately looking for hints of shared desire.
He has gay porn
One of the surest signs that a guy is gay is when he has gay porn loaded on his computer or cell phone. Unfortunately you cannot find this out without sneaking into your husband’s laptop and rummaging through his files. However you can look for certain telltale signs, like spending hours before the computer, especially at a secretive place and abruptly shutting it off or closing the page when you enter, which could tell you that he has something major to hide from you.
He is no longer interested in sex
For most women this is the first sign that alerts them to the possibility that something is off. A gay man will find other guys sexually attractive instead of feeling the same emotions for a woman. And yet there could be several other factors to consider if your man has not been in the mood lately. For one, your husband’s reluctance to have sex could stem from loss of libido due to physiological or psychological causes – he could be having a rough time at the office or simply down with flu. On the other end of the spectrum, having sex with you is no guarantee of his heterosexuality – he may be a bisexual for all you know.
Unusual sexual preferences
However if your husband has not completely stopped having sex with you, chances are that he has been making pretty strange demands lately. Having conventional sex with a woman may no longer be able to fulfill his changing desires. So if you notice in your husband a sudden interest in sodomy, sadomasochism, lubricants, role-play, sex toys or other non-traditional intercourse methods, this is clearly an indication that his sexual interests lie elsewhere.
He is unhappy in the marriage
It is not difficult for a wife to understand when her husband is unhappy in the marriage. Lack of communication, shared interests, satisfying intimacy and plans for the future are all signs that your husband is no longer interested in the marriage. If you cannot find any specific reason, like a loss of job or mid-life crisis, why he should feel so and if most of the above signs are present, it is highly likely because of his alternate sexuality.