As couples get down to the business of living some time after marriage, they often realize that two people might not see eye to eye on how things are to be done around the house or in the relationship. Very often one partner draws back while the other goes overboard and one likely scenario is a husband who is fed up of his wife’s complaining and whining. So if you find refuge behind the newspaper while your wife hammers on, go through the following tips and learn to deal with a nagging wife.
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Keep the context in mind
Nagging is one of the easiest – but not necessarily effective – ways a wife seeks to make her displeasure known. If you find her out of sorts all of a sudden, think about what may have caused the change and in nine out of ten cases you will find that you have done something to irritate her. Maybe you had promised your wife that you would be home by eight and then forgot all about it when an emergency meeting came up. And once you return home tired and hungry, you find that your wife is all ready to start nagging. In such a situation, tell her the truth and apologize for not being able to make a call to let her know that you are going to be late. Your wife may continue to let off steam, but once she knows that you are telling the truth and have accepted your slip up, she will surely calm down. One of the most effective ways to deal with her nagging is therefore to find out what has caused her to boil over and quickly address the situation.
Avoid using harsh words
When met by a nagging wife, men usually deal with it as they would deal with a hostile confrontation – they exchange angry words and counter-charge their wives of making their lives miserable with their nagging. This leads to a situation where both partners are accusing the other of creating the problem while the issue at hand continues to remain unsolved. Rather meet your nagging wife calmly and let her know that you are willing to discuss the point of conflict once she has a grip on herself.
Consider different ways of looking at the same issue
Your wife may nag at you because she loves you too much to have an all-out confrontation on issues which she too recognizes as mundane but which bother her nonetheless. Often the issues may be trivial to you like forgetting to take out the garbage or leaving your wet towel on the bed but your wife may fear that these slip ups signify your lack of responsibility around the house or your insensitivity to other people’s comforts. To stop her nagging, address these concerns of your wife. Choose a time of day when neither of you are stressed and then explain to her that if you forget about chores once in a while, it is not a reflection on your ability to fulfill responsibilities.
At times, stand your ground
An effective way of dealing with a nagging wife may be to stand your ground once in a while. Consider what issue is worth taking a stand on and then stick to your position, no matter how much appealing the alternative of escaping to the pub might seem. Let her know in a calm and unemotional way that as her spouse, you should be spoken to with respect and consideration. Assure her that you are willing to thrash out issues at an appropriate time. If she still does not get it, take a time out and let her know you will be available only when she can get a handle on her emotions.
Simply ignore her
Very often ignoring your wife when she is at her nagging best, does the trick. Allow her to continue for a while and if you are lucky, she might wear herself out by her own harangues. A much likelier possibility is that she would get plain bored by your lack of response and eventually shut up. However here it is important to recognize the cause of your wife’s displeasure. If it has to do with mundane details like chores around the house, giving her pleasure of her own company won’t hurt once in a while, but if you suspect it has to do with something about your relationship, don’t ignore the issues just because you do not like your wife’s way of bringing them up.
Distract your wife
While the above suggestions are effective as long term measures of dealing with your wife’s nagging, if you need to shut her up immediately, use humor. Hold a mirror to your wife’s face so that she sees how she looks while nagging or do a funny act to catch her off guard. Better still, compliment your wife on her new hairstyle or dress when you feel a nag coming on. Your wife will be taken aback by your act since she would have expected you to get defensive or silent at her nagging. This may just be successful in breaking the flow of the harangue and get your wife to put things in perspective.
Set aside some 'couple time'
Nagging is often a woman’s way of bringing and clearing up issues which if left simmering and buried could destroy a relationship. However no one likes to be reminded of what he did or did not do a million times a day. To pre-empt this, set aside some time with your wife when you can talk about issues concerning your marriage. Do this regularly and at a time when you are not likely to be disturbed by kids or office calls. Even if you have no problems to resolve, use the ‘couple time’ to simply be with and connect to each other
Understanding your wife’s concerns can go a long way in dealing with her nagging. The important thing is for you to motivate your wife to express her wishes in a more mature way and at the same time recognize the positive changes that she wishes to bring about. This will not only help your wife to feel that her concerns are valid but will allow you to enjoy a peaceful, nagging-free marriage.