One of the hardest obstacles in a relationship, is rebuilding trust that has broken. Whatever may have been the reason why you strayed, if you feel that you don’t want to give up on your partner after all, you need to be the one to take the initiative of saving the relationship. And the first step towards this, would be to regain your partner’s trust. Here are a few ways which will help you to convince your partner of your long-term commitment and your desire to mend what has broken.
Admit your mistake
Start off by admitting that you made a mistake. Your straying has hurt your partner and it does not matter whether it was a one-time fling or a fifty-time affair. However, people do make mistakes and you should admit that you just made a huge one. Tell your partner that it was not your intention to hurt him or her, and it came about because you were stupid enough not to put your relationship first. Also reassure your partner that such a thing will never happen again.
Break off all ties with the other person
After cheating on your partner, you may be overwhelmed by a fit of remorse, and promise that you are never going to meet that other person again. But remember that repeat cheating happens all the time. You must keep away from any type of contact with the person, whether by phone, text-messages, email or in person. This is essential, to convince your partner that you are serious about rebuilding the relationship. However, if the other person is someone you must come across from time to time, like an ex-spouse, explain to your partner, the circumstances when and where you would need to see that person again.
Explain the reason you strayed
After your affair has been discovered, your partner is bound to ask “why”. Answer calmly and clearly, why you felt dissatisfied enough in your relationship, to seek outside support. Examine the reason for your indiscretion, to see whether you were looking for mere adventure or seeking to fill a vacuum in your relationship. However, be careful not to justify your actions, or make them out to be the result of your partner’s supposed inadequacies. Admitting the reason why you strayed, will assure your partner of your honesty and help to rebuild trust.
See what you can do to set things right
No two people are perfect and every relationship has its weak spots. If it was a physical disconnect with your partner, that drove you to someone else, explain clearly that you want a more intimate relationship. Suggest ways that will keep you romantically interested in each other. If on the other hand, it was the result of increasingly differing priorities, examine what are the common rallying points in your relationship and put them first. This is a conversation that the two of you should have had much before, which may have then prevented you from seeking comfort elsewhere. But remember, better late than never. Moreover, if your partner sees your sincerity in making amends, you have a better chance of regaining his or her trust.
Take noticeable steps to show you can change
If you do something to prove yourself to your partner, he or she will realize that your attempts at rebuilding trust are genuine. Try to bring about some positive change in your personality. For instance, if you always had a problem with taking responsibility and couldn’t hold a job, then go out and get one. Or, if you have been a compulsive shopper, practise self-restraint and show your husband that you can be more financially responsible.
Ask your partner what is now expected of you
Let your partner state what he or she would like you to do, to rebuild the trust that has been lost. Try to understand your partner’s point of view and empathize with his or her feelings of betrayal. See what changes you can bring about in yourself and your schedule, to regain your partner’s trust. However, if you feel that your partner’s expectations from you are not realistic, it is better to make things clear, instead of starting another round of deceit and remorse.
Making it up to your partner
Focus on little ways to make up to your partner. Explore ways of showing your love like, sending her a bunch of flowers at work or tucking in a hand-written romantic letter in his lunch box. Initially, your partner may still seem skeptical of these overtures, but over time, he or she is sure to be warmed by your attempts to make up. The essential thing is to keep trying to convince your partner that you really do care.
Your betrayal has been a rude shock to your partner. It has meant the violation of his or her deepest feelings of love and trust and all that cannot be renewed in a day. So be patient and take one day at a time. Rushing the process and expecting too much too soon, will only confuse your partner further. Some days, you may feel you have recovered a good deal of lost ground, while at other times, you may feel you have come to a dead end. The important thing is not to give up. If you believe you truly love your partner, give him or her all the time needed to get over the experience.
Finally, have faith that it is possible to win back the trust of your partner, even after you have crossed the line. Undoubtedly, it will take time, and rest assured that it is going to require some amount of hard work. But in the end, if you are sure that the two of you are meant to be together, put in your all into this relationship. Understand that you cannot rewind things to exactly how it was between you two. Rather regain your partner’s trust to build a newer, stronger and more mature relationship, one that, like gold, has been tested by fire, but emerged the finer for it.