It can be difficult to say good bye to a marriage, no matter how bitterly it ended. But since nature abhors a vacuum, sooner or later everyone has to move on. However it can be quite painful to find out that your husband is not yet over his ex and you have been merely a rebound partner all this while. To find out if your suspicions are true, here are ten signs you need to watch out for which will tell you if your husband still loves his ex.
He is still angry with his ex
At first your husband being angry at his may seem contrary to him still being in love but things may not seem so incredible when you consider that the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. And your husband’s emotions of anger or pain are anything but a sign of indifference. Though some amount of negative emotion is only natural in the aftermath of a breakup - especially if it had been the ex’s fault - over time your husband should have made peace with the situation. The very fact that your husband continues to have very emotionally charged feelings for his ex is a sign that he has not been able to move on.
TIP: Read the guide to prevent a break up or get back with your ex.
He has her stuff lying at your place
Ok, so you he has been planning to have his ex’s stuff sent over, but simply did not get the time to do it. Or more likely he has been holding on to it in the hope that it will offer a final excuse to go around and meet her. What’s more he even knows by heart all that there is in the box – a nightshirt, toothbrush, a CD of her favorite band, a bottle of perfume.
He tries too hard
Very often you find your husband taking extra pains while dressing up to go to certain venues in case he runs into his ex. And when he does, he immediately transform from the laidback person you know to that vivacious and extremely popular person the ex made the mistake of letting go. And your husband cannot stop revealing what a completely awesome time he has been having since he broke up with the ex. Not only there are friends to connect with, places to see, parties to attend but he may even be showing you and the kids off a little too eagerly to score a point with his ex. And trying so hard inevitably means that he still has a candle burning for her.
He spies on her
In an attempt to know if his ex is seeing someone else, your husband is probably going to the extent of challenging the law as well. He snoops on her facebook wall to see if anyone has left a flirtatious message, he hacks into her phone calls and text messages using mobile spy softwares and even scours the facebook pages of his ex’s mom, sister and close friends to get the faintest hint of a new person in her life. If your husband is doing all this and possibly more, it is evident that he is still interested in his ex, what she is doing socially and about her relationships.
He goes out of his way to bump into her
An even clearer sign that your husband still has hopes is if goes out of his way to accidentally meet her. He most likely knows when and where his ex is to be found at certain times in a day. So he may be shopping for groceries in the same place frequented by his ex or having an espresso when you know she usually pops in for a bite. While there is not harm in running into an ex once in a while, if your husband has been strategically planning his movements in a day to bring it about, it is pretty evident he still loves her.
He continues to hold onto memories
As a couple it is only to be expected that your husband and his ex shared many romantic moments in the past and made a lot of memories. But if takes the form of your husband’s refusal to let go of things that hold symbolic significance of their relationship, you had better watch out. Such things could take the form of a box that lies in the right bottom corner of your husband’s closet and which contains various mementos like hand-written letters from the ex, photos from vacations that they took together, cards on his birthday and even the funny drawing on a table napkin that his ex made while waiting in that fancy restaurant. Your husband is probably unable to discard these reminders as they make him think about his ex and help him to feel her presence.
He's still close to her family
While your husband might have seriously bonded with his ex's family, at some point he's got to let those ties fall away. A major sign that he's not over his ex is if he still hangs out with her family socially, like going to a football game with her dad or attending a dinner party. There can be little plausible reasons that can explain him hanging on to those relationships other than him trying to win her back.
He considers her his best female friend
There's nothing wrong with wishing an ex happy birthday on facebook or sending her a congratulatory text when she eventually gets engaged, but it's a bad sign if your husband keeps reaching out to his former girlfriend soon even after he is married to you. As his present spouse, you should be the most important person in his life now with whom he can share his joys and sorrows and look for support. If these functions are still being fulfilled by the ex, it is a sure sign as any that he still loves her.
He compares you to her
Initially you may feel flattered at hearing that you're so much more amazing than your husband’s ex, but if he's really over her, he wouldn't be making such associations in the first place. If you find your husband repeatedly musing about how great you are and so much better than his ex – whether in the kitchen, with kids or in bed -- then he's probably actually still longing for her, yet trying to convince himself that he made a better decision by marrying you.
It just doesn’t feel right
A man can display none of the above signs and yet remain pining for a past love deep down in his heart. Under such circumstances, your instinct can be your best guide. If you get the gut feeling something he's just not hundred percent committed to your relationship, then it could be because he is yet to get over his ex. While she or her stuff may not be around physically, her shadow probably looms over your relationship, and influences how close your husband is with you emotionally and physically.