When you Fall for Someone Who Just isn't your Type


It is human nature to categorize – this innate tendency to sort things and people into separate groups is not only essential to making sense of the world but to arrive at complex decisions. Probably because of this most of us have a certain type when it comes to love and dating. And yet the human heart being what it is can surprise by falling for someone you would have never imagine yourself attracted to.

What is a type

When it comes to dating, most people have a type in mind -- a certain kind of person they are generally attracted to. This is usually made up of a cumulative of physical characteristics like a certain height or no pot-belly, personality traits like confidence or a sense of humor as well as some common interests and values. To this could be added certain deal-breakers like smoking or past felony. Having a type helps one to eliminate potential partners you assume you will not be compatible with.

However sometimes there is an instant connection and you find yourself falling for someone who doesn’t not quite fit your type. Even this can take several forms. For instance the guy you have fallen for may be completely opposite from your usual choice. You may say 'I only like extroverts,' and then you meet an introvert, or 'I only date Republicans' and you find yourself hooking up with a Democrat.

Then again he could be a non-type on the most superficial level, as when your date doesn't add up on your checklist because he's too short, too bald or too fat - not the tall, dark and handsome guy who is the stuff most female fantasies are made of.

Finally the guy you have fallen for could be a non-type only circumstantially – in other words you are attracted to him personally but he is divorced, a single dad with kids or living on the other side of the country.

Generally speaking it is better to keep an open mind about guys who are only physically or circumstantially not your type. while difference in basic values and lifestyles is certainly a cause for taking things slow, if the guy you have fallen for is just a couple of inches shorter than you had desired or has been married before, try and give yourselves some time. Before you succumb to anxiety attacks about him not being your type, get to know each other better and eventually you will get a clearer picture of whether you two are suited to each other.

Are you falling into a pattern

Do you always date guys who cheat on you or do you only like bad boys? Be conscious of your patterns and then break them. Be clear on your core values and seek out someone who aligns with them and respects what is most important to you. Think about your last relationship and analyze what those traits were that first attracted you to the person. If you realize the qualities you are being drawn to aren't making you a better person, make an effort to change that. Tell yourself that you are going to date someone that doesn't have these qualities and then make a conscious effort to do it. Think of where you might meet a guy who shares some of your interests and values: book clubs, a lecture series, sporting activities you enjoy. Even if you don't meet a man, you'll have a good time and your best you will shine through. There's nothing sexier
than a woman who is confident and sure of herself.

There are other reasons too why people sometimes have a type - there may be some qualities that a person is lacking in him/herself so he/she will be seeking them out in a partner. Be conscious of how other personality types complement you or hold you back, and use this new-found wisdom in your romantic life one of the best ways to find out if the person you have fallen for is worth investing more time and emotions is to see how he makes you feel – if you find yourself happy, feeling safe, respected and cherished then even if the guy isn’t your type, he is probably worth a shot. The most successful of relationships are those where two people not only appreciate each other’s qualities but also love what they have become in the relationship. if you find yourself self-esteem high, If you want to be around him and he brings out the best in you, it makes little sense agonizing over whether he is or isn’t your type. If you feel happy and loved, maybe you should just delight in the relationship.

Even if you would like to maintain some caution, dating outside your type can still be good because it can help you learn and grow as a person. For example, if you tend to stay away from artistic types because you fear they're not stable enough for a relationship you just might be missing out on something special, like creative expressions of love. Life is all about experience and the best way to live it is to get out of your comfort zone - You may love it, you may hate it, but that's what living is all about -- taking risks and learning through experience.

Give it time

Sometimes the feeling of falling for someone can be so overwhelming that it can blot out all other considerations of the rational mind. You know that you differ on several issues like life goals and intellectual compatibility with the new person in your life but then you share such a strong emotional and sexual bond that nothing else seems to matter. Here the ideal way to find out whether this actually going to work out or not, would be to give the relationship some time. Stay away from each other for a month or so and cut down your phone calls and emails to a minimum. Reflect on your own hopes and aspirations for the future during this time and ask yourself how far are you willing to compromise those for this one person and what do you stand to gain in return. If at the end of the period you still feel as strongly about this person as before, then perhaps you are meant to be together despite all the practical grounds of difference and he/she not being your type.