Boring sex is not really the same thing as bad sex; but if left unattended, boring sex can slowly extinguish all intimacy and desire in a relationship. And once two people begin to be less attracted to each other, chances are that they will move away from one another and even look elsewhere for love and intimacy. So before things reach a dead end, here is how to recognize what your man may find boring in bed and how to set it right.
- Lack of visual appeal
Admittedly old, well-worn pajamas made the most comfortable nightwear; but if every night your man sees you in them, it is enough to kill all stirrings of desire. Men are visual creatures and the sight of something sexy and attractive works to turn them on like little else. This is one of the main reasons why men are attracted to porn while women find it ugly and grotesque. So every once in a while, be sure to slip into something revealing or at least sensuous – it could be a virginal lacy affair this night and a smoldering black negligee the next. Your man will be zapped by what he sees and get all ready to roar.
- Making love in the same place
If you have been having sex in the bedroom for as long as you remember, why not venture outside the familiar four walls for once? Granted at the end of a tiring day, all you can look forward is to the comfort of your bed but making simple changes to the venue can go a long way in perking up your love life. The living room couch could be a good idea if comfort is your main concern or you could try out the dining table or the kitchen platform for the kink factor. Indeed some couples claim that they get a thrill out of making love in partially visible spaces, like perhaps before a window with half-drawn curtains or semi-closed shutters. And who says you always have to make love in your own house - Do it in the car if you want to feel like the desperate teens again or take it outdoors, in a secluded spot in the woods or on the beach, if you want to get a taste of the risqué. Just make sure you are not caught by the law enforcers for nudity in a public place or on a similar charge.
- Absence of pillow talk
Sexy visuals are not the only thing that turn men on – they also like to talk dirty when having sex with their partners. And while pillow talk may turn your ears a scarlet red and seems most unladylike conversation, try to understand that indulging in it makes your man feel wanted in a sexual way. They look forward to their partners putting their emotions in words since this is one of the most direct expressions of sexual desire. Let him know you desire him. Some men love dirty talk. So the next time you want your man to stop dozing in bed, whisper a few naughty words deep into his ears and he will not know what hit him. If you have never done it before, try writing down a few sexy words on paper and practicing it before the mirror. The more your tongue and ears get used to the sound of those words, the easier it will be to verbalize them before your partner. Imagine pillow talk as part of foreplay for your man – just like caressing and nibbling your erogenous zones sends you craving for more, similarly words of desire work to turn on your man.
- Not enough response
Men often find that their partners never respond to them while having sex. Lying still, looking at the ceiling or with your eyes shut tight can hardly be exciting for a man when he is making love to you. A man no matter how intent he is on his own satisfaction, will eventually get bored by your lack of response. So whether you are beneath or above him, send non-verbal messages that you enjoy being connected to him. Move your body, whisper your pleasure into his ears or suggest that he do something specific to you – anything is better than ‘lying dead’. Apart from telling him that you are tuned to the experience, your response can also be a great way to encourage him to do things you like. For instance if you enjoy him kneading your thighs, express your pleasure when he is doing so and ask him to do more. This way you both will be linked in a common bond of sexual pleasure which is after all what fulfilling sex is about.
- Not experimenting enough
No matter how responsive and loving you are in bed, things are bound to get a tad boring if your lovemaking consists of following the same moves in the same order – day in and day out. Getting caught in a predictable routine is a killjoy particularly for partners who have been together for quite some time and by now are able to anticipate almost each other’s moves when making love. The best way to shake things up is to try out something new; try out a few moves you may have picked up from a magazine or a website. Indulging in role-play is often a great way to spice things up. You could for instance gear up in leather and straps if your partner’s fancies run that way. Or bring in a romantic adult game and invite your partner to join in. If all these seem too radical for you, merely juggle the steps leading to the main stuff or include new moves in your foreplay. The ultimate aim is to infuse some novelty and unpredictability into your lovemaking so that your man is motivated to get up and take notice of you.