Sexual incompatibility is one of the major reasons of a marriage falling apart. When either partner begins to avoid sex, it is usually taken as a sign of rejection by the other. But there may be other reasons for his or her loss of interest in sex. If you feel that your wife is becoming sexually distant, find out why and then try to resolve the issue. Here are a few common reasons why wives appear to be too tired to want sex and how husbands can contribute to a fulfilling marital relationship.
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Is she overworked?
A survey conducted by the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development in June 2001 found out that of all professionals who worked for more than 48 hours a week, over one-third admitted to having poor sex lives because of work-related stress. So if your wife works is in a high-pressure job and then has to deal with domestic chores as well, perhaps she is not getting enough rest to prepare her body and mind for intimacy with you.
Responsibilities at home
Stay-at-home moms too have a lot to deal with. Your wife may be spending the whole day cooking, caring for small kids and looking after the house. Moreover if you are too busy to help out, it means that she is probably doing the odd jobs as well, like paying bills, buying supplies and taking kids to the doctor when they are ill. With such a routine it is inevitable that by the end of the day, your wife is too exhausted both physically and emotionally to snuggle up with you.
Is she upset with you?
If your wife is avoiding sex, perhaps something about you or your relationship is bothering her. Consider if you have hurt her or broken her trust in any way. Sex for women is fulfilling only when it is accompanied by mutual trust and respect. So if you have upset her in a significant way, she might not want to be close to you sexually.
Something on her mind
At the same time however, your wife’s low sex drive may have nothing to do with you at all and it may be just that her mind is on their things. An upcoming performance appraisal or rumors about workforce restructuring may have her worried about her job. On the other hand news of a parent’s illness or a sibling’s divorce may cause your wife to pay more attention to her family than to you.
A health problem
A much likelier reason for your wife’s disinterest in sex may be a health problem. She may be suffering from a physical condition which either leaves her too tired to have sex or makes the experience too uncomfortable for her. Most men ignore the physical reasons for their partner’s low sex drive, mistakenly believing that ‘it is all in the mind’ and if a woman loves him she will automatically enjoy sex with him.
Consider your own attitude?
A sexual experience can be truly enjoyable only when the desires and pleasures of both partners are fulfilled. Go back to past episodes and see if you have been knowingly or unknowingly, been imposing your wishes on your wife. Perhaps she feels that it is all about you getting your thrills and she is being used just as a means to an end.
Is there someone else?
If none of the above reasons seem likely, it is clear that your wife is avoiding sex as a way of drawing back from you. This may mean that she has someone else in her life with whom she perhaps enjoys a more sexually fulfilling relationship.
These were some of the causes which may have led your wife to lose interest in sex. The best part about this issue is that unlike infidelity or ego-related problems, this is far easier to resolve. All it needs is you to give your wife lots of love and the attention that she deserves. Here are a few tips on getting your wife to want sex with you more often.
Resolve health issues
First of all rule out any health issue that may be preventing your wife from enjoying sex. Women often go through various types of hormonal phases, some of which may be related to loss of libido. Also vaginal dryness, infections or certain prescription drugs may be responsible for your wife’s low sex drive. Seeking professional help will help to pinpoint the cause and take measures to improve your wife’s sexual health.
Be more loving
Women need to feel connected to their partners on an emotional level to enjoy sex fully. Show your wife that you love her at all times of the day and not just before you want to have sex. Do things to make your wife feel cherished and appreciated in the relationship so that she knows you do not see her merely as a means of satisfying your own sexual desires. Take her out to a great dining place, bring her flowers, surprise her with a gift and do all that will make her fall in love with you. It is essential for a woman to be in love before she can be happy making love to her partner.
Use non-sexual ways of expressing your love
Compliment your wife on her looks and tell her how attractive she looks at a time when she knows you are not angling for sex. Hug her often and tell her what a wonderful wife she is. Kiss her before leave for work and after you meet in the evening. Cuddle up to your wife as you both settle down in front of the TV. Expressing your love in a physical but non-sexual manner will help her to get intimate with you without feeling the pressure of having sex immediately after.
Make the effort to turn her on
Foreplay is a crucial part of getting a woman to want sex. Ask your wife what would please her and then try to fulfill her desires. Your wife may be turned on by a sensual massage or intimate words from you. Also let her be an active participant in the experience and she will surely look forward to more such episodes.
The lack of sex in married life is a common complaint among men. Too much time and effort is wasted on learning new techniques and tricks. If the same level of attention is paid towards nurturing the relationship with a wife, the dividends are sure to be much higher. So try to make love to your wife and not just have sex and you will be happily rewarded with a more fulfilling kind of emotional and physical intimacy.