Having Sex with a Woman Who is Drunk

Alcohol and sex go hand in hand on various levels. While wine and champagne have long figured as an integral part of a romantic setting, more often drunkenness is a prelude to sexual disaster and even violence. Men are sometimes under the impression that getting a woman drunk first will pave the way for problem-free sex when this can sometimes complicate things considerably. Having sex with a woman who is drunk can not only be disastrous for  a relationship but can even get you charged with sexual assault.

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It can be construed as rape

Wine has been traditionally thought to enhance a romantic mood for love because of its relaxing effect upon the body and mind. Taken in small quantities it does serve to lower inhibitions and create an amenable mood for love. However the fact remains that it does this by suppressing the parts of mind which control judgment and caution. Thus when a girl is drunk, she may not be in her senses and cannot always judge whether having sex with you is a thing she wants to do. In other words, if a girl is intoxicated she cannot give clear consent to sex and if you try to have sex with her under such circumstances you could be charged with attempted sexual assault and even rape. It does not matter whether you knew she was intoxicated, it doesn’t matter if you were intoxicated too, all that matters is that she was not in a state of mind to consent and therefore it could be seen as rape. Again, it doesn’t matter if you are drunk as well since in the eyes of the law,
your diminished abilities may not negate your responsibilities.

It may be possible that upon meeting a girl at the bar or nightclub, you had no idea a girl was intoxicated and that she truly appeared to be a willing partner for a sexual encounter. However the reality is that you could still be charged with rape if she is able to prove she was drunk and not in her right senses. Your knowledge of her state may only be a mitigating factor but it does not guarantee you won’t be charged under law. In many places, if a woman is deemed to have consumed so much alcohol that she is incapable of agreeing to make love, the man is likely to be convicted of rape. In such cases, proof of whether a woman was drunk usually comes from medical tests - as well as evidence from witnesses and victims. A study by the Association of Chief Police Officers has found that a 'significant' number of rape and sexual assault victims had drunk at least the equivalent of eight pub glasses of wine. This is equivalent to two and a half times the drink driving limit1.

From a certain viewpoint, this approach could be seen as carrying a hint of bias – while both the guy and girl are drunk, it is only the guy who needs to be thinking clearly of the issue of consent whereas the girl can go ahead and have sex and then later charge the guy with rape. Despite a shadow of unfairness, if you are a guy it is in your own interest to avoid having sex with a woman who is drunk. Keep in mind that it is your own future and your life that is on the line no woman, much less a woman you picked up at the bar, is obliged to save you from your foolhardy actions. Just like pregnancy and STDs, it is your responsibility to protect yourself from being charged with date rape. You cannot blame your partner for actions that are well within your power to control. So the next time you find yourself heading for a room when either of you is drunk,  back off before something foolish happens.

It is bad for a relationship

While dangers of being charged with date rape are highest when your partner is a virtual stranger or even recently acquainted, having sex with a girlfriend when she is drunk is again far from desirable. Upon waking up from a night of drunken oblivion, she may not be thrilled to find that you assumed her absence of judgment  as consent for sex. This not only implies that her conscious enjoyment is less important to you than your own sexual fulfillment but also indicates a lack of mutual faith and understanding that is the bedrock of any successful relationship.

Then again having sex when a girlfriend or you both are drunk makes you that much more vulnerable to mistakes. Later on you could be assailed with the fear of an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted diseases since drunken sex is unlikely to be preceded by the usual caution of wearing a condom or using a contraceptive. Not least of all, high levels of alcohol in the body can actually interfere with orgasm in case of both men and women. For guys particularly alcohol can make getting and maintaining an erection difficult – a fact that goes against all popular notions of hectic, drunken love-making.

Finally drunk sex even when with a steady partner is not a sign of a healthy relationship. Being drunk can get in the way of an emotional connection which is extremely important for having fulfilling sex. Maybe you or your partner is unhappy in your relationship or isn't comfortable having sex. Getting wasted and then making out could also be a sign that one of you is struggling with low self-esteem, body image issues, feelings of guilt, family troubles or problems at the workplace. Getting drunk while having sex may be one way of trying to mask  feelings of pain, insecurity, or an unhappy ambivalence towards sex.


  1. Sex with a woman who is drunk may soon be rape