You are facing a common dating problem: you cannot figure out the behavior of the girl you are chasing ardently - is she playing hard-to-get or is she just not interested? You have exchanged phone numbers but she has not called or returned your calls. She pleads that she is too busy when you ask for a date. She ends the date formally and abruptly and leaves you zapped.
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Dating is often like a game and the players have different tricks up their sleeve. Women have grown up with the advice not to be too easy to get, not to make the first move, "Smile at him, but don’t talk to him first", "Don’t be too nice and don’t ask for his number", "Don’t jump and agree for a date. Say you are busy this weekend. Maybe next weekend", these are the rules that mothers have passed on to their daughters. Of course these rules have changed and now it is up to individual choice to stick to which rules they like.
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The men are confounded by these rules. They are confused when the girl refuses a date. Some may back out at once, thinking the girl is not interested but these guys do not have any understanding of the rules of the game. The girl may just be playing hard-to-get.
Playing hard-to-get according to psychologists, is an effective way of gaining and keeping somebody’s attention. It increases the adrenaline rush and suspense in a relationship. However it should be used with caution and discretion.
Just like exotic products in the market gain value by advertising as hard-to-get, people project themselves as hard-to-get in order to be more attractive. A woman would never chase a man usually and our culture expects the male to do the chasing. She pretends to be busy with many other activities- profession, keeping fit, shopping etc. and leaves the guy waiting for her time. The idea is that the more difficult the target, the more challenging and desirable it is for the guy to chase after the girl.
This game of hard-to-get may work initially, but it may lose its spark in the long term. The guy will now be convinced that the girl is definitely not interested if she persists with this "Catch me if you can" game for long. Sometimes the guy thinks, " Forget her, she doesn’t like me." The girl must give some indication that she is interested, for the game to work.
Sometimes playing hard-to-get backfires. Most people prefer honesty and avoid game-playing and can put things clearly in their minds. Being authentic and open pays in the long run. People play games when they are not looking for a committed relationship or when they are convinced that you are not the right one for them. So don’t chase after an obstinate case of hard- to- get. . Some girls follow the adage, "Treat them mean, keep them keen". They think that playing hard-to-get makes the men crazier about them. They may hand out dates as favors. Such girls will not usually succeed in their romantic life.
On the other hand you have men who will not take no for an answer. Like the case of Sam, who was in love with an older woman. She had no such interest in him and decided to maintain a friends-only relationship with him. He did all sorts of chores for her for many years in the hope that she would one day fall in love with him, but was devastated when she finally married another man. In this case, the woman gave a clear message but Sam could not accept it, and felt used, eventually, to his ruin!
Playing hard-to-get is not completely evil. In a small dose, it can increase the level of excitement in a relationship. Give your love interest enough to keep wanting more but also preserve an aura of mystery about yourself. Don’t throw yourself all over her. Have some activities planned that do not involve her. Keep some space between the two of you. This will keep the romance thriving.
Research has shown that men are interested in women who are selective in their romantic life –i.e. they are choosy about their mates. It is a boost to their ego that they are involved with such a woman. So if a woman is playing hard-to-get you need not give up immediately but persist for a while in the game, till you are convinced she really does not fancy you.