Among the top dating complaints that guys have is that they never know what turns a woman off. While men are usually careful with their appearance and actions, more often than not, it is something they say inadvertently that nips a budding relationship. Here is a list of the top 10 things never to say to a woman if you want to see her again.
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“Have you put on some weight recently?”
Most women are extremely sensitive about weight issues and the constant bombardment of waif-like models in popular culture doesn’t make things exactly easy on them. So when you ask your partner if she has piled on a few pounds, it is a sign to her that you care more for appearances than the person she really is and as such few things are likely to upset her more as this one.
“So do you work or just sit at home?”
This is again a hugely insensitive question, especially for someone who is between jobs or has other family commitments. The implication that one is just “sitting at home” when she is not going out to a full-time job completely discounts the huge investment of time and labor required to run a house and look after dependants. And even if she has a day job, the way the question is couched is most likely to raise the hackles of any self-respecting woman.
“Your friend is very attractive.”
One of the worst possible verbal gaffes you can make is to lavish barely-concealed sexual praise on another woman in your partner’s presence. Such a remark is one of the surest signs of a jerk who cannot control his wandering eye even before a woman whom he is ostensibly dating. So if you want to see this particular woman again, be careful to steer clear of thus ill-directed appreciation.
“My mom/sis/friend has an outfit just like that one…”
The surest way to a woman’s heart is to say or do something that will make her feel unique since every woman secretly likes to believe that she is better or at least different from the crowd. On the other hand if you come up with a remark that reduces her sense of style to a generality and makes her feel that she is just one among the various other women in your life, she is hardly likely to seek out the pleasure of your company a second time.
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“I’m thinking of upgrading to an Audi this year – my Porsche seems so dated now.”
You might think that bragging about your car, job or house would impress a woman with your material or professional success. But the truth is that most women associate such vanity with the category of men who have nothing else to offer in a relationship. While it is true that there are some women who can be lured by such obvious signs of material wealth, even they are more likely to be impressed when you don’t brag about your spoils during a conversation.
“For your age you actually look good.”
If ever there was a left-handed compliment, this was one. While ostensibly praising a woman’s appearance, this remark in fact lays bare the speaker’s pre-occupation with her age and more importantly reveals his underlying prejudice which links beauty and attractiveness with being only of a certain age. If you must appreciate a woman’s looks, leave out any mention of years while doing so.
“What a loser the guy is.”
Be very careful of criticizing a woman’s male friends before her. Even if you can plainly see that the guy is trying to worm his way into to your girlfriend’s affections or taking undue advantage of the fact that they have been pals since high school, try to keep your observations to yourself. If you do express them aloud, your girlfriend at best would be incredulous at your apparently-hasty judgment when you ‘don’t even know the guy’, or at worst label you as ‘insecure’ just because her best friend happens to be a guy.
“My ex was such a bitch”.
OK, so you’re trying to make your current girl feel that she is the best thing that has happened to you. But heaping insults on your ex is hardly the right way about it. For one thing your partner is sure to feel that you still have not got over your ex thus burdening your present relationship with a lot of emotional baggage from the past. For another, she is likely to get wary of your personality since she sees before her a guy who finds it easier to blame others for what goes wrong in his life rather than taking any responsibility himself.
“What would you like to do?”
When you ask a woman out, it is assumed by her that you have a plan. Asking her what she would like to do when she is already seated in your car can come as a big letdown, especially is she has secretly been expecting to be ‘surprised’ by a fun date idea or indulged with a romantic candle-light dinner. Even though you may expect her to be happy to be in charge of a date night, announcing it to her just as you are about to leave smacks of indecisiveness, lack of confidence or just plain boredom in a guy.
“Relax – there is no need to get emotional.”
This in fact is the easiest way to getting the exact opposite reaction you are trying to achieve from your partner since the remark is sure to make her angrier or even more upset than she already is. But even if a woman has her emotions under control, the very implication that she is getting worked up over nothing or that she is behaving irrationally is enough to make any level-headed woman walk away in a huff.
Dating is thus not always about what and how to say the most appropriate things. More often, the things that you should avoid saying are equally important in creating the right impression and making your relationship a success.